Is it Love - or really chaos?

Are you looking for the next great guy?  Running from relationship to relationship?

Every time I hear Robert Palmer’s 1986 song, Addicted to Love, in my mind I see the music video that goes along with it.  The women with their sleek black hair in their skintight black dresses and similar yet stone-faced makeup masks exhibit no emotion.  They’re alluring and haunting as female representations of the bad boy. 

There was a time when I wondered if I was a love addict.  In my memoir, From Sex Appeal to Self Appeal, I write about running from boy to boy, then man to man to find grounding and worthwhile feelings about myself.  Over the years to better understand myself I did many things as well as read the book, Women Who Love Too Much, and attend a few Sex and Love Addict Anonymous Meetings to try and figure out why I was always searching but never finding happiness with a man. Today I know that I was really addicted to chaos, change, and the illusion of love. I was actually afraid of love, afraid of real commitment.  

You too may not be addicted to love, you may be afraid of it.  You may be addicted to chaos and challenge.  A new love or romance is exciting. There’s mystery, learning, guessing even.  What are they thinking?  About us?  Can they be ours?  Similar to the images of the women in Robert Palmer’s video, this mind chaos, challenge and questioning can be addicting.  Fortunately, if you stick with someone long enough, long-term relationships can be challenging too—and far more rewarding.  The challenge with continuous stable love, comes with growing in understanding of yourself within the relationship, not focussing on another. 

Today I have an addiction to sitting on the the couch with my husband at night, touching his arm or holding his hand while our dogs and cats scatter themselves around the living room.  It’s stable and my escape from the world, from the day, from reality really.  To some it may seem boring, but I see it as an addiction that feels good to the soul—embodying safety, serenity and sweetness.  This is simply irresistible.